Medical disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. This post is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is based on my personal caregiving experience. If you have concerns about a loved one's memory or cognition please consult a qualified healthcare provider.
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I remember the moment I first thought something was wrong. My mother repeated the same question four times in twenty minutes and each time she asked it, she looked at me with the same expectant expression, as though she had never asked before. Something shifted in me that day. I did not have a name for it yet. But I knew.
If you are reading this post, you probably know that feeling too. A quiet unease that something is changing in someone you love. A pattern of moments that you cannot quite explain away anymore.
Dementia does not usually arrive all at once. It creeps in slowly, quietly, disguising itself as stress or tiredness or simply getting older. That is what makes it so hard to recognize in the early stages and why so many families look back later and realize the signs were there long before anyone had a name for them.
This post is not meant to frighten you. It is meant to equip you. Because the earlier dementia is identified, the more options your family has for medical support, for planning, and for time together while your loved one is still most themselves.
First, what is dementia?
Dementia is not a single disease. It is an umbrella term for a group of symptoms that affect memory, thinking, communication, and the ability to perform everyday tasks. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause accounting for around 60 to 80 percent of cases but there are other types including vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, and frontotemporal dementia.
It is also important to know what dementia is not. Normal aging does bring some changes to memory and processing speed. Occasionally forgetting a name and then remembering it later is normal. Dementia is different in its pattern, its persistence, and its progressive nature.
10 early signs of dementia to watch for
The Alzheimer’s Association identifies ten warning signs that may indicate dementia. Here is what each one actually looks like in real life because reading a clinical description and recognizing it in your mother at the kitchen table are two very different things.
1. Memory loss that disrupts daily life
This is the most recognized sign but it is more than just forgetting things occasionally. Look for asking the same questions or repeating the same stories over and over within a short period of time, forgetting recently learned information, and relying increasingly on memory aids or family members for things they previously handled independently.
What it looks like: Your mother tells you the same story about her childhood three times in one afternoon. Each time she tells it, it is brand new to her.
2. Difficulty with planning or solving problems
Struggling to follow a recipe they have made for decades. Difficulty managing bills or a checkbook that was never a problem before. Trouble concentrating and taking much longer to do things than they used to.
What it looks like: Your father who managed the household finances for 40 years suddenly cannot balance his checkbook or understand a simple bank statement.
3. Difficulty completing familiar tasks
Trouble driving to a familiar location. Forgetting the rules of a game they have played for years. Struggling to complete daily tasks at home, work, or leisure that were once second nature.
What it looks like: Your mother gets lost driving to her church the same church she has attended for thirty years.
4. Confusion with time or place
Losing track of dates, seasons, and the passage of time. Forgetting where they are or how they got there. Sometimes not knowing what year it is or what stage of life they are in.
What it looks like: Your loved one is convinced it is still the 1980s, asks where a deceased family member is, or does not recognize that it is the middle of winter.
5. Trouble understanding visual information
Difficulty reading, judging distance, or determining color or contrast. This can sometimes show up as trouble with driving misjudging turns, struggling with depth perception, or having unexplained minor accidents.
What it looks like: Your parent struggles to read a menu, misjudges the height of a curb, or has trouble recognizing their own reflection.
6. New problems with words — speaking or writing
Stopping mid-sentence and having no idea how to continue. Struggling to find the right word sometimes substituting unusual words instead. Difficulty following or joining a conversation.
What it looks like: Your mother refers to a “watch” as “the thing on my wrist that tells the time” because the word watch no longer comes to her.
7. Misplacing things — and being unable to retrace steps
Putting things in unusual places glasses in the freezer, keys in the bathroom cabinet. Being unable to retrace their steps to find lost items. Sometimes accusing others of stealing things they have simply misplaced.
What it looks like: You find your mother’s phone in the refrigerator. When you ask her about it she has no memory of putting it there and is convinced someone moved it.
8. Decreased or poor judgment
Making unusual financial decisions giving large amounts of money to telemarketers or charities. Paying less attention to personal hygiene and grooming. Poor decision-making in situations where they previously showed good judgment.
What it looks like: Your parent who was always careful with money has given hundreds of dollars to a phone scammer and sees nothing wrong with it.
9. Withdrawal from social activities
Pulling back from hobbies, social activities, work projects, or sports they once loved. Avoiding social situations sometimes because they are aware on some level that something is different and feel embarrassed or overwhelmed.
What it looks like: Your mother who loved her weekly card game with friends suddenly refuses to go, giving vague excuses. She may be struggling to follow the game and does not want anyone to notice.
10. Changes in mood and personality
Becoming more confused, suspicious, depressed, fearful, or anxious especially in unfamiliar situations. Becoming easily upset with family members, friends, or caregivers in situations that would not have bothered them before.
What it looks like: Your father who was always even-tempered becomes suddenly irritable, accuses family members of things that are not happening, or cries frequently for reasons he cannot explain.
One important note: Seeing one or two of these signs occasionally does not necessarily mean dementia. What matters is the patterns, signs that appear together, persist over time, and represent a noticeable change from the person’s normal baseline. You know your loved one. Trust what you are observing.
What to do if you recognize these signs
This is where many families get stuck, frozen between what they are observing and not knowing what to do with it. Here is a practical path forward.
Start keeping a log
Before any doctor’s appointments, start writing things down. Date, time, what you observed, how long it lasted. This gives you something concrete to share with a medical professional and helps you see the pattern more clearly yourself. Memory is unreliable, especially when you are stressed and caregiving. Write it down. I use a Remarkable Tablet but a spiral notebook works well until you get a routine down. The most important thing is to write it down.
Talk to their primary care doctor
Schedule an appointment and if at all possible speak with the doctor separately before or after the appointment. Family members often notice things that the person themselves is unaware of or unwilling to share. Ask for a cognitive screening test. The Mini-Mental State Examination (MMSE) and the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) are two commonly used tools.
Request a referral to a specialist
If the primary care doctor has concerns, ask for a referral to a neurologist or a geriatric psychiatrist who specializes in memory disorders. A proper diagnosis takes time and may involve brain imaging, blood tests, and neuropsychological testing but it gives you a foundation to work from.
Do not go to these appointments alone
Bring someone with you a sibling, a trusted friend, your spouse. You will be absorbing a lot of information while also managing your own emotions. A second set of ears is invaluable.
A note on resistance: Many people in early dementia are not aware of their own symptoms or they are aware enough to feel frightened and push back against getting help. If your loved one refuses to see a doctor, you are not alone. This is one of the most common and heartbreaking challenges families face. It is okay to be patient. It is okay to try again. And it is okay to ask for help navigating it.
A word for your heart
If you are reading this post because you are already living with a dementia diagnosis in your family I want to say something directly to you.
What you are carrying is heavy. The grief of watching someone you love change. The weight of decisions you never asked to make. The exhaustion of a caregiving role that does not come with a manual.
And if you are reading this because you are just beginning to suspect something is wrong that in-between place of not knowing is its own kind of hard. The waiting. The watching. The hoping you are wrong.
In both places, God is present. He is not surprised by any of this. He was not caught off guard by your mother’s diagnosis or your family’s circumstances. And He did not call you to this without equipping you for it even when it does not feel that way.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
You are not alone in this. That is why Called to Caregiving exists, to remind you on the hard days and the harder ones too.
Have you noticed early signs of dementia in a loved one? Are you somewhere in the journey of diagnosis and trying to figure out what comes next?
Leave a comment below and tell me where you are. This community is here for you and so am I.
With love and faith,
Amy
Called to Caregiving